"I am being replaced by a box!"

As Victor Meldrew replied in One Foot in the Grave.

Maybe I should think that too!

Classic post from SUNDAY, MAY 28, 2006

Stars

Here is my starsign reading from 'starman' in boyz magazine

Gemini
"Fuckfest! Yes its that time when everything comes together for a memorable shag. The time will be right, the guy will be right and you will turn in a legendary performance that everyone will be talking about years from now!"
Top tip - get ya tool ready!

Well I say.....................

**puts kettle on for a cuppa, from the shock!** Imagine that cumin from Mystic Meg!!!!

Classic post from WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 09, 2005

I never told you did I?

We had some fireworks at the weekend, some rockets and the like. I got a rocket out of the packet (god this sounds like a porno!) anyways I got this rocket out and continued to get it ready to shoot! (it is a porno! lol) You get these things to stick em in but as you do I didnt look for that and stuck the rocket in the ground. Yeh yeh I know! So I went to light it and stood back ready to see the fab display that it would produce. We waited and waited, now bear in mind I had stuck the bloody thing in the ground! So it couldnt really erm fly into the sky. You could see it vibrating, trying to escape (sounds like men when they see me in a morning!) All of a sudden it went quiet, then it fucking blew up! We were all deaf for at least a min, I think the idea is that it was supposed to be placed into the tube that came with it so that it could escape into the sky! Oh well we all make mistakes! ;p

Then onto the catherine wheel, now you are supposed to stick this to a fence, so I get my big hammer out and bang it in. By this time everyone was on valium and glad to be alive. So I lit this wheel thingy, it started to spin and we were most amazed. I got out my camera hoping to take a picture of this amazing thing! Then all of a sudden whilst spinning at fifty miles an hour and making a noise a bit like a faked orgasm, it bloody come loose didnt it and flew at me, I was nearly catherine wheel decapitated! It was a different experience I suppose!

Classic post from SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2005

Adams Room 101 - Elderly Scooters


Right my first room 101 item is these bloody things. They appear on roads and pavements and I swear the people driving them are on a mission, either to smash yer shins to bitz or go under yer wheels. When they go on the roads they dont care about cars they just pull in front of you.

When the OAP decides to get out of the thing they do cartwheels and run and jump. Why the hell do they need to be in the bloody things! They even have a snazzy hood thing on some of them for when it rains. When you see one of them coming at you with the hood on its a scary sight indeed!

The people driving them look so tense, whilst going 1 mile an hour. They appear in crowded towns, forcing you to sidestep out of the way or end up in a&e! They dont care who they sever an artery with!

The lovely lady in the pic has obviously got her shopping done, I do feel that when she gets off the thing it will collapse forward due to overload of food!

So that is why I must shove these bloody contraptions into my room 101!

Classic post from SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 04, 2005

Friday the 13th scary or silly?

Watched this film for the first time in ages today, I could say that when I was younger it would have been scary but now its just plain daft.

A girl who is supposed to be going to camp to cook there hitches a lift in Mrs Voorhees lovely jeep. After driving straight past the camp she leaps out of the jeep (look closely and you can see a elbow pad when she jumps) and limps into the wood, closely followed by Mrs V. Then we see a shot where she gets her neck slit, (so dont ever hitch a lift!) other deaths in the film are a guy having an arrow shoved in his neck while lying in bed (we presume Mrs V managed to get under a camper bed and manage to get a long arrow under there too). Another is a woman having an axe in her head whilst on the toilet (all she wanted was the lav!). The picture on this post is Mrs V struggling to put the (looks rubber) knife in Alice's throat. (Alice looks like she is not even looking in the right place) Now call me silly but she managed to kill all the others so easily but cannot quite aim the knife right this time. We then see the final where after being hit with a poker and, a pan and other things Mrs V comes alive and attempts to kill Alice on the camp beachy bit. After the most stupid of fights Mrs V ends up losing her head, this happens in slow motion with Alice performing some sort of dance then swinging the knife. After all the stress of seeing everyone else dead and chopping off Mrs V's head Alice decides to get into one of the boats and float out in the lake.(I think of all the counselling she would need but she thinks of a ride in a boat in the middle of the night) Just as we think Alice is safe a disfigured person appears from the lake pulling her under, she then appears in the hospital looking too calm for my liking! Its as if nothing has happened to her.

I was scared when young but not now, I would guess that in time a remake will happen. Its a classic tho.

Stray

Found a stray chiwawa the other day, so cute. I wasn't keen on them before as seem to be nasty and have a tiny head however they are growing on me!

Should we get another dog, hmmmm will think about it!

Kwik Save

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about some things and one of them was the great time I had working for Kwik Save. Now you probably remember this supermarket with the fond phrase of "I cant get a full shop there" yes that was a problem that never seem to be addressed. If you shopped at KS you could never get everything so had to go elsewhere, I suspect this was due to floor space as many of the stores didn't have room to stock more ranges.

We had some laughs there and I have thought about it more when I see old colleagues that I used to work there with. Its a shame it ended really but I think it was inevitable in the end. I left (well was made redundant) in 1998, I remember this as went to see 'The Avengers' at the cinema which I have to say was an awful remake of the 60's classic! Think there was only about 6 of us there watching it! It was sad to leave but I felt my time was up and that the company was going in the wrong direction, it seemed to be obsessed with trying to match the bigger food retailers of which it could never do. Aldi and Lidl were also eating away at KS profits at this time.

I was offered another position however after a month I knew it wasn't for me so decided to take the redundancy. It was the best decision as afterwards KS just went into meltdown esp when Somerfield decided to buy it and then realised the stores were to put it blunt crap. They were too small, the tills were from the ark ages and the shelves were ancient.

We had a colleague with a knife to her throat, I was threatened many times when refusing to sell booze to either drunks or kids and many other things which always kept you going lol The abuse we got over charging 1p or 3p for bags was higher than anything else!

Some people I worked with were so set in their ways it was unreal however the majority were great and many laughs were had.

So RIP Kwik Save and thanks for time we had together.

What a few months....

Well what a few months it has been indeed, with some news to come I am sure!

Lots of things going on in the workplace at the moment which will have an effect on my future, to be honest I am ready for a change and think its gonna happen soon anyway. I cant comment too much about it at the moment or my feelings for the issues as walls have ears however I will hold a glass of vodka up and say "heres to the future"

Too long

Time for some updates me thinks and actually blog!!