The day after yesterday

Did not sleep very well last night, I suppose there were things on my mind. I am mad, hurt, upset all at the same time. I feel used like a piece of rubbish that you no longer want. I mean to tell someone that you see no future with us over MSN! Yeah that's right, a total coward, I had told him many times to never end the relationship over either the phone or the net. As per usual it went in one ear and out the other, listening is not part of what he does. I hate him for being so selfish, for not thinking of my feelings and for throwing Prague in the air. I just hope one day his mates and colleagues realize what he is.

I suppose within the eleven months we had some good times, I admit that. We had some laughs and it was always nice to see him smile. He always told me that he would make time for us (I never said me, always us), he told me he loved me every ten seconds (believe me that is no joke!), he told me he missed me yet would not flicker an eyelid at not seeing me when we had the chance. In the early days it was fab, he was full of life and wanted us to work, as time went on I was dropped like a brick. The times we never met up cause of other things, the fact he was shattered through overwork (of which was not paid), the fact he never listened to me when I showed concern through this. I think to this day he felt superior, felt that because of his standing 'why should I listen, I know what's best' That is where it all went wrong, he had too many I and not enough we/us.

I sometimes felt that his life would be ruled in the future by £ signs. All he went on about was the money he will be on in the future, just remember that that thirty grand you never shut up about in the early days (actually about £21,000 after tax and in real terms to start with, not forgetting the 70 plus hours you will be putting in to get it) will never bring you happiness, the only thing that will do that is love That is a word that you do not know the meaning of and never will. I asked him 'what is love', he could not answer.

I always knew he was a 'mummys boy', he was a spoilt child, very jealous of his twin. I remember that time he rang me and kept getting interupted by his brother and mum while speaking to me, I asked him to tell them he was on the phone, he said 'why should I'

Towards the end he lied a few times to me, I hate people that feel the need to lie to others. If you love someone you dont lie (or a white lie as he always passed them off as), he never loved me, the way this has been done has proved this.

I never told him this but I have fallen out with people over stuff they said about him, why I bothered now I dont know.

I am mad about his lack of thought over Prague, he has totally spoilt that. As usual he did not think of us, just himself.

Remember one thing, when you are doing all these hours, back aching, shattered, just stop and think who cared enough to be concerned, who told you to take it easy. You might never hear those words again......................................

I dont love people easily, but I loved you.................