Well, well, well.............

Do you know what? I cannot believe it was Christmas day a month ago, god how time flies!

Me dad, who I only started seein again after 10 years was rushed into hospital, his kidney failed. This happened the day after I went to see him last week. I dunno but sometimes I think its fate that I went to see him after all this time, I feel bad about it. He is so frail, but then I think about the way he was when I was a kid and I dont give a shit. I know its bad to think that but when he was younger he def didnt care, one step out of line and that was it. To go and see this frail old man, my dad, who cannot even lift his arm due to a stroke is so painful to see. It really broke my heart to see him the way he was, he was a shite in the past but he is my dad........

Oh and my fat fuker of a bro blamed me, I was sittin with him while he went yellow and fell ill but just left him like that last Sunday when I left. So I was blamed for not seeing him ill. Oh fuck off, even I wouldnt be that stupid, he was fine when I left him.

One thing about this is that my fukin bro is takin all his money, I am so annoyed at that. He gives my older fat fuk of a bro money all the time. Thats one of the reasons I wanted to see him again, me bro decided to call me and lie about me. My twat of a bro is his carer, well gets money from the social for it, does he care? Does he fuck. Just doin it for the money and I am sure that when he fetches me dads pension he takes some for himself. Told me dad to check his pension but he wont listen, seems to think the world of me fat fuker of a bro, who cooks him dinner yet doesnt take him out of his flat. Really FUCKS me off.

Sometimes think that I am better to just step aside and let things happen, after all he aint gonna listen to me. Like I told me dad, I dont visit you for money, that money you have is yours, I want to visit you cause you are me dad. I also go because if I reach 60 plus (which I have NO intention of doing, not in a million years, mid forties enough for me, maybe not even that!) I would like to think people visit me cause they want to, not cause they want money.

Fucks me off, all people want in this world is money, money for this, money for that. Dont anything else matter??

2007 part 3

Manchester

I travelled a lot to Manc, Manchester, Manchestoooooooooor etc etc. Its called various names. I went to see the then fella, a total waste of time as he fell asleep about 8pm but you get the gist of it.

Its a place where many 'gays' seem to want to flock to, mainly cause of Canal Street (or anal treet as its sometimes called) I dont have no problems with the place in general but most of the men up there are off their tits on drugs most weekends and living beyond their means. It seems to be a place where people want to get to to prove something, thats the only reason he lived there. Im gay and got to live in Manc to prove a point.

When you are in the city centre you fail to realise the poorer suburbs outside of that. The only thing that was ever going for the place and still is is the amount of fukin horny scallys there, but thats another story...............

So in other words a total waste of time going for just him, but for other things OK lol ;-)

Adam & Marcus Saturday June 3rd 2006-October 2007 - remember this.............

Our one year anniversary song........

The Marcus I once knew.................

2007 part 2

Egypt

Like a fool he talked me round going to Egypt in October 2007. We parted in July mainly cause I couldnt be doing with his shite anymore. We started talkin again in September, well tell a lie it took him that long to respond to me. I contacted him in August and he finally to phrase his druggie words 'got his head round seein me' in Sep. He originally didnt want to see me again till the day of the holiday, even after the last time we saw each other was July. I thought this was strange, he thought it was romantic! Erm I dont think it is romantic, more like 'lets make sure even though we split I get the holiday'

We met before the holiday and it wasnt right to be honest. I think its cause he was clearly a bullshitter and I couldnt be arsed. Well before I knew it the holiday was on top of us. We were on the plane and I thought 'fuk I am stuck with this person now for a week'

It was an amazing place, breathtaking and very hot!! I should have never have gone, he hardly kissed me, I got fed up of 'asking' yes asking for a kiss!! He was arrogant, whenever I spoke to someone he butted in, as if he was better than me. He made it clear to everyone he was from that shit hole called 'Manchester' but never said where I was from. That fucked me off big time through out the holiday. It was all him, him, him. In bed for 10.30pm most nights, so what the point of going?? This is obviously now due to the fact he couldnt snort shit up his nose.

This is not meant to slag him off cause thats not right, without his point of view of the situation its one sided. I loved him, but I didnt love the drugs and the lies.....

Just remember who got you that well paid job mr................................... and regarding the text you sent where I am like the rest of my family the funny thing is that you are, mainly me bro. A drugged up addict so please dont send me silly texts when its actually you.

Next up Manchester

2007 part 1

Well another year over, welcome 2008 but what was 2007 really like? Hmmmmmmmm....

**PART ONE**

The 'fella'

Yes thats right the fella, we were a strange match lol. It wasnt easy being with him, I know that I loved him but my god it was hard. He claimed to have this thing that people get in winter called 'SAD', I think that the only thing that was sad was me puttin up with him to be honest. Anyway he claimed to have been diagnosed with this and had it when the nights got darker, it sort of like gets them ratty and nasty and tired all the time. To treat this you had to make the most of the sunlight etc etc. Well readers it was utter bollocks (them 2 things between my legs) this thing he had wrong with him that caused him to be nasty, tired and ratty was actually Cocaine use. I knew he was a user before I met him, he told me he did uncle Charlie, well I actually thought at the time he had an uncle called Charlie! Clearly me being stupid. He told me 'oh no Adam I dont do that anymore, I prefer a nice meal', utter shite.

Sometimes I wouldnt see him, he would text me the actual day I was seeing him and the text always started with 'Im not up to seeing you today', through out our time together he had everything wrong with him, or so he tried to make out he did. I think that this was the 'come down' period from taking shite up ya nose. He forgot me brother is a herion addict and I am afraid I know the signs.

On his birthday in 2006 that was screwed up by drugs. I went to see him after a 'work do' for his birthday to find him off his tits! He tried to hide it from me but I aint no fool. He claimed someone popped a pill in his drink without him knowing, another crock of shit.

Once he said to me, clearly a mistake not realising what he was saying "I tell you what I want you to hear" This gob smacked me and fuck knows why I stayed with him.

We ended in July, actually on the date of his birthday last year. It was supposed to be a lovely weekend seeing his parents and having a meal. Alas it didnt happen 'again', like 2006 he went out the night before his birthday but this time he text me to tell me he couldnt see me as had eaten something and upset his stomach. Another load of old shite. I think the truth to the matter was that he was on come down and knew if I had seen him I would have known. The funny thing was that he thought I thought he had slept with 3 men, ha ha I wouldnt discuss personal things with me and other people but that wouldnt fukin happen in a month of sundays!!

I found out after we parted that he still takes coke so he lied to me and wasted my time, well I wouldnt waste my time with him ever again.

Next up Egypt

Our Vera!

Well it happened, they killed off Vera from Corrie. Do you know something, she was like a 2nd mother to me! Well bear in mind I aint watched it for years, but you get the idea.

Now the poor old sole went to that white light in her slippers on the sofa, this was after begging Jack to tell her that he loved her. So off he nips to the local boozer while she dies. On his return he sees that she is all slumped, touches her hand and then realises she is dead.

Now wouldnt you bloody shake someone if they looked dead? Not just pet their hand, feel it cold and know that they have gone? I mean come on, she could have turned the electric one bar fire off and be just feeling the cold! It dont mean she is dead! Remind me not to go to Iceland with Jack, he would touch our hand, feel the cold and think we are dead!

On a serious note its sad to see her go, been in it years and of course very ill at the mo in real life. Its just a shame it was really piss poor acting, totally dreadful. It doesnt suprise me that it was rubbish, after all its filmed in Manchester, nuff said................

2007 review

Soon.............

Me dad........

Well its been over 10 years since I saw my dad, it was time to see him again. Due to some family issues I needed to see him, I was told that he was in poor health so I suppose I needed to see for myself how he was.

I visited him today, he currently lives in a warden area in which they can look after him. He has had major heart attacks in the past and last year had a stroke. It took me about 20 mins to actually find where he lived, I was told where he was but could not for the life of me find where the hell it was. Eventually I found it, I was let in by a oldish guy who informed me "Im not supposed to let anyone in" well god knows why they have a door then! After various walks down corridors I found his room, the place was like a timewarp in the 50's. Very old fashioned indeed. I knocked and heard a voice say "who is it?" Never mind the fact that I had let him know I was coming (phoned him the night before)

So I entered this dimly lit room and saw this in what only words I can describe 'frail' old man. When I last saw me dad it was well over 10 years ago, he slagged me mam off too much for my liking so I had nothing more to do with him. I didnt get upset, I thought I would to be honest. It didnt feel like the 'father and son' relationship. We spoke about what makes us laugh and some family issues. He had no teeth in so that was strange to see. White hair (hardly any), a far cry from the man that beat me mum up. Every sentance was ended with 'our kid', which shows the era he is from. I also got the usual death speech of 'Im suprised im still here'

After speaking I left, he had started crying when I walked out, I had never saw this 'hard' man, me dad cry. He was an 'old school' pull yourself together men dont cry guy.

He was a bastard in the past, with me mam, hitting her, getting the 'belt' out for us if we dared answer back or do anything which he didnt agree with. Yet he is me dad but I didnt feel like he was, I will see him again tho.

I get envious of people who actually 'bond' with their dads, you are very lucky....................